Gaslighting Parents

Generally speaking, gaslighting is an imbalance of power in a relationship.

Gaslighting isn’t always a deliberate act of manipulation. Parents can gaslight their children through learnt behaviour.

Gaslighting can be denying a child’s feelings or reality as well as telling them how they feel.

Example:

“You can’t be hungry! You’ve eaten enough!” This puts shame on a child.

“You’re too sensitive!!” After a sibling bullies another child or a parent criticises their child.

Or telling a child they’re just over tired when a child is upset instead of acknowledging feelings of insecurity.

Telling a child how they feel about a situation is another form of gaslighting such as “You know you’re too scared to try that!” This stops a child from trying new things and keeps them dependent on the parent. They don’t learn new things and become scared of new situations.

A parent may create fears in a child’s mind to stop them from becoming independent.

This is cruel because it creates fears in a child’s mind instead of providing opportunities of growth.

The child grows up not trusting themselves or their judgement. It creates feelings of insecurity and inbuilt fears.

As an adult, feelings of fear and anxiety control their life.

An adult child may challenge a parent on a childhood memory and be told it either didn’t happen the way they remembered or it didnt happen at all.

The adult child may be looking for closure of a parent’s treatment during their childhood but instead they’re met with complete denial of the abuse.

This leaves the adult child with feelings of defeat, invalidation, and childhood wounds are reopened.

Unmet expectations of a parent’s admission of behaviour robs the adult child of closure, leaving them with feelings of frustration and anger.

They will never receive closure from their parent because it is their parent who is incapable of self reflection or change.