Where Has All The Romance Gone?

Many decades ago, before FB and dating sites, the only way a person found their “soul mate” was to go out and socialise or get to know them while out and about. Nowadays, you can find your “true love” from your computer chair or while lying in bed on your phone.

Instead of getting to know someone in person and working out if you’re compatible, a person can now “choose” what they want in a soul mate by writing it in their profile description or reading about another person’s profile under their photo. It’s almost like preordering your husband, wife or relationship.

Where has the romance gone?

A person no longer wants to be surprised by what they find in their partner. They now want to make sure they’re compatible BEFORE they meet them. There is no real getting to know them except via social media emails, face time, video and maybe on the phone. So the “getting to know you stage” is all done by distance. What are we afraid of and why?

There are a few reasons for this:

1. Safety. “Are they who they say they are?” (Are they narcissistic or abusive?)
2. Do they have everything I asked for in a person?
3. Afraid of commitment because a relationship means long-term and you might be afraid of letting the other person know “you’re just not into them” if you’ve changed your mind.

There are pros and cons to looking for a partner using social media and dating sites.

Pros.

• It hopefully relieves fears if the other person is honest in their profile and not hiding anything.
• If you are afraid of commitment, you get to slowly “dip your toe” in the dating pool.
• You might meet your “perfect match” long-distance when you ordinarily wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet them if you can make a long-distance relationship work.

Cons.

• You can’t believe everything you read in a profile. A person will say what they think the type of person they want to attract wants to read.
• You miss out getting to know them romantically from the initial stage as you would have, had you met them in person.
• It’s easy to scroll past a person’s photo because you don’t like the look of them but they could be a genuinely loving person for you if you gave them a chance.
• A person will hide either behind a younger photo of themselves or behind another person’s photo.

So is social media the right place for you to meet someone or is it better to meet your “soul mate” in person? There are no guarantees either way except you see what they truly look like meeting them in person, it just depends on what experience you are looking for.