Relationship Conflict

Sometimes conflict in our relationship comes from our own family systems.

Because there are two people in the relationship, you have two family systems affecting your relationship.

So what are family systems?

Family systems are how your family communicated and functioned during your childhood.

These family systems are passed down from generation to generation.

Children internalise the messages they get from their parents such as the way conflict and relationships are modelled.

If the conflict was modelled as yelling, screaming, name-calling, belittling, criticising, attacking the other person’s character and even violence and throwing things, all of this is internalised by the child and taken into their adult relationship.

The child will either repeat the behaviour or attract someone with similar toxic behaviour.

If one parent backed down to keep the peace and the other parent always had to be right, the child may also copy one of these behaviours as an adult.

Maybe one parent always gave in to the child’s demands rather than dealing with tantrums and the child learnt to be manipulative. This behaviour can also be taken into the child’s adult relationship with manipulative behaviour.

One parent may have self-medicated with addictions rather than dealing with life stresses so the child learnt this as a go-to in life as an adult.

Couples aren’t always aware their parent’s relationship has played a significant part in their own adult relationship.

If you would like support as a couple in this area click on the link below for a booking today.