Is it possible to be a gaslighter in your relationship and not be aware?

Is it possible to be a gaslighter in your relationship and not even be aware of your own behaviour?

If you have grown up in a household where one parent gaslit, using emotional manipulation rather than taking responsibility for their behaviour/abuse, and blaming the other person for their reaction to the way they speak or treat that person, then yes, it is understandable that you could be repeating same behaviour traits and not realise it.

What does gaslighting look like?

Maybe your partner has regularly expressed to you out of anger you are gaslighting them but because the term is thrown around a lot, you think they’re attacking you.

So let’s look at just one example of what gaslighting looks like.

Your tone to your partner is condescending, attacking and or disrespectful. Maybe you’re very short with your partner in your responses.

Your partner is clearly deeply wounded by the way you speak to them and they let you know how your behaviour makes them feel and your response is

“You’re lying!! You’re making me feel like I’m a bad person!!”

What has taken place in this conversation.

1. The partner is left feeling their feelings are not validated.

2. They’re not allowed to own their feelings.

3. They’re not allowed to speak up about their feelings.

4. They’re made to feel what just happened didn’t really happen.

5. They’re made to feel they’re being over-sensitive.

6. They feel guilty for bringing up how they feel and now the focus is on the gaslighter and their feelings.

7. The partner who was just gaslit is now made to feel they’re the abuser.

When this is a regular pattern, the partner on the receiving end becomes afraid to speak up about the manipulation because their feelings are never heard or validated and the manipulation escalates.

If you have grown up in a household where this was normal behaviour, you may not be aware you have learnt the same behaviour of avoiding taking responsibility for your behaviour though you remember as a child how it made you feel but as a child you thought all families were like this.

If you can relate to these issues in your relationship and you would like things to change, click on the link below for a booking today.