How does our childhood affect our romantic relationships?

As children, we internalise the messages we received from our parents and even our siblings and or grandparents from childhood.

These messages tell us about the world, relationships, ourselves and even how conflict is modelled to us, and it is all internalised as normal.

However, these messages can have a huge effect on the way we interact with other people.

Attachment styles are developed from infanthood which also affects the way we respond to our partner.

The relationships we received tell us is the world safe or unsafe. If there is childhood trauma the message received is the world is a scary place, leaving the child feeling insecure as an adult.

Another message received is the message about relationships and are they safe or unsafe to be in. If the child has grown up in domestic violence the message is relationships are unsafe.

If a child receives physical, psychological and or sexual abuse, the child receives the message they are bad.

All these messages are internalised and taken into their relationships. They either become one of their parents in their relationship or they can attract someone like the abusive parent because it’s familiar.

Attachment styles can also affect their relationship based on their relationship with their parent/s from infanthood.

A secure attachment style is when both people in the relationship are happy to do things together and apart.

An avoidant attachment style is when the person avoids intimacy with their partner in fear it will intrude on their independence.

Someone with an anxious attachment style needs a lot of reassurance in the relationship. They avoid conflict rather than risk rejection.

They don’t cope with an independent partner who prefers to do activities on their own.

They will have expectations of their partner being home in a certain time frame depending on the activity.

If you recognise anything here in your relationship and would like support, please contact me here for a booking today.