Getting over a breakup

Many times the person not doing the breakup is blind sided. They didn’t see it coming. They don’t recall any red flags to hint the end of the relationship was inevitable.

Maybe their partner was still saying

“I love you” right up until the moment they said it was over.

But the reality is, a person doesn’t decide to end a long term relationship on the day they announce it’s over.

In actual fact, they have disconnected from the relationship mentally many months before but it took them months to have the courage to say it’s over.

In the first stage of the break up, it can feel very surreal to the wounded partner.

They didn’t see it coming. They begin to process what this means for them. All their plans, dreams and goals with their partner have come crashing down.

They begin to ask questions like

“When did you decide our relationship was over?”

“Is there someone else?”

“When you began to have doubts about our relationship, why didn’t you say something then? We could have gone to relationship counselling to work through any issues or even ended it there. I would be so much further down the track of all of this and got on with my life!”

“What could I have done differently in our relationship?”

“Where to now?”

It is normal to have these questions and doubts and wonder when the relationship was actually over for the other person.

So where to from here?

Clearly the other person wants out. It feels like a slap in the face to you. You thought you were both so inlove with each other.

Your life isn’t over, though it feels like it is right now.

You dont have to change your plans, goals and dreams. They don’t have to end. It maybe that you will have to put them on hold for now.

Remember, just because your partner doesn’t want to do these things with you, it doesn’t mean your dreams the died, goals etc have to die with them. They don’t have that much power.

Tell yourself, my dreams, goals and future have not died with our relationship. It just means I won’t be doing them with you!!

Give yourself time to get over the relationship. If it was a long term relationship such as a number of years, it will take you longer to get over it.

Don’t be quick to jump into another relationship to avoid the grieving process or because you think you’re getting too old to be alone and you still want to have children.

If you jump into another relationship too soon, you will take your pain with you, causing you to be in a relationship that will cause you more pain and conpounding your grief. You may enter a new relationship with trust issues if you jump in too soon, pushing the new partner away, needing to be reassured of their love for you.

Work on yourself first. Discover what you like to do and go do them.

Do you know what your boundaries are?

What are your deal breakers?

Decide to be with someone who knows your value and cherishes you.

Wait for the person who has similar life goals and dreams to you.

You deserve to be cherished and have someone committed to you.

If you would like support in this area, click on the link below for a booking today.