Does our past affect our relationships?

Understanding where we have come from and where our partner has come from helps us to understand ourselves and our partner.

It helps us to understand and recognise any triggers in conflict and misunderstandings. Even the way we view the world, relationships and even ourselves, all come from the internal messages of the past.

You may be in conflict with your partner and to anyone else looking on, you may be seen as overreacting.

However, unknown to you, you’re carrying an internal childhood message from childhood trauma and your brain is subconsciously telling you your partner is the person who caused you trauma in your childhood though this is not the case so during conflict you become reactive and your partner doesn’t understand what they’ve done to get you so upset.

As a child you may have struggled to get positive attention from your parents, so you carry the message around that you’re not valued, causing you to gravitate towards social circles and or partners who do not see your value either because these relationships subconsciously support your internal toxic messages about yourself.

Recognising the messages within is the first step to stopping yourself from choosing unhealthy relationships.

So what if you’re already in a toxic relationship?

You may need to leave the relationship if it is abusive.

If there is no abuse but rather filled with conflict, start putting down boundaries. What is your partner’s reaction to these boundaries?

A person who does not respect you will fight against these new boundaries.

Boundaries may look like:

“I will not be disrespected.”

“I will not accept being undermined in front of the kids.”

“I need honesty and to be able to trust you.”

“I need you to help me in the house.”

“I will not accept being yelled at or sworn at.”

If you can relate to anything here in your relationship and would like support in this area, click on the link below for a booking today.