Communication Issues in Relationships

The issues in relationships aren’t the subject but rather the way two people communicate about these issues.

Couples need to learn how to de-escilate their emotions during conflict.

What happens during conflict is two people are on guard rather than showing vulnerability to each other.

What comes out during conflict are emotions of sadness, fear and shame.

Couples can feel threatened by each other during conflict.

One person may have emotions of abandonment and even betrayal.

When one partner becomes overwhelmed they may run, leaving the other person on their own with anger and frustration because no resolution has been reached.

Blame takes place during this style of conflict. A couple needs to learn a non blaming style of conflict. This allows emotional safety and vulnerability to be present. This changes the “dance” of the conflict.

What happens during toxic conflict, is the couple will turn away from each other.

When the dance is changed positively this is called moving towards each other.

No longer is their goal to hurt, blame and withdraw from each other.

A couple needs to regulate their emotions to be able to change their toxic dance to a dance of healing.

When a couple plugs into softer emotions during conflict, the emotions tell the other person what their partner needs.

Emotions of anger, resentment, criticism, contempt etc block any empathy for the other person and cultivates blame and hatred.

Softer emotions cultivates emotions of compassion, empathy, unconditional love and forgiveness and allows two people to look at each other’s perspective.

The attitude needs to be

“When you’re hurting the whole world stops until we resolve your pain.”

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