Coercive Abuse in Relationships

What is coercive abuse?

Coercive abuse is also referred to as abuse of power.

Because the abuse is not physical, too often the victim doesn’t realise they are being abused.

So what does it look like and how does it differ from physical abuse?

Coercive abuse can be psychological, emotional, controlling, financial and sexual.

The goal of Coercive abuse is to intimidate, threaten for the purpose of control and threaten or pressure the victim.

These methods could be anywhere from threatening to take the car keys away, threatening to hurt the children or pets, making complaints against the victim at their workplace to ensure they lose their job, taking control of the victim’s finances, isolating them from friends and family, convince them their friends and family don’t like them, convince them there is something wrong with them; also yelling and screaming to control the victim or punching the wall next to their head to threaten with violence.

In some cases, the victim is forced to give up their beliefs, values and morals as well as their identity of self.

This happens by the abuser breaking down the victim until the victim is left vulnerable and emotionally and mentally exhausted.

Other forms of coercive abuse are putting a tracker on the victim’s phone and or calling them many times a day which the victim knows they have to answer to avoid the abuser’s anger.

Another form of coercive control is if the victim turns down sex the abuser rapes the victim. The victim quickly learns not to reject the abuser again but lives in fear every day.

Financial abuse can be where they have a joint account or even their own account, however, the abuser has access to all accounts and makes the victim account for every $ they spend or the victim has to ask permission to buy their children clothing, shoes or food.

Some families can look very stable to the outside world where the wife has a successful career and the husband is seen as being involved with the kids, attending their sporting games on weekends.

To the outside world, the abuser is friendly and charming and really loves their partner.

There are extremes in coercive control because though one partner is undermining and belittling their partner, that partner may still be able to go to work and have financial independence.

This does not make coercive abuse any less abusive.

Coercive abuse isn’t only about being isolated from friends and family and losing financial independence while being threatened every day to be submissive.

If you believe you can relate to the above, please click on the link below for a booking today.