Co-parenting with a narcissist

It is impossible to co-parent with a narcissist. They dont do team work. If the other parent is a narcissist, you have to parallel parent.

Narcissists love to provoke conflict because it gives them control over the other person.
If possible, only communicate through emails and only communicate by phone when necessary and stick to the topic. If they try to engage you through conflict, name calling, derrogative comments, insults etc, always go back to the topic at hand. It is difficult, but keep your emotions out of the conversation. Keep your tears for after any conversation with the other parent. They want to break you so they can manipulate you to get their way. Team work for the sake of the kids does not compute with them.

If the other parent continues to change the subject during the conversation, end the conversation. This is about boundaries. You need to keep your boundaries firmly in place at all times.

If they attack you through txt messages, do not engage with them. Screenshot the message so it goes into the gallery of your phone as evidence of harrassment for your Solicitor and delete the message from your phone so you are not tempted to go over it.

Try to avoid making pick up and drop off at your home. Arrange a neutral pick up and drop off area such as McDonalds if there is one close by.
Plan ahead of time what youre going to say to them in certain situations so youre not caught off guard. They will try to knock you off balance emotionally.

Any promises they make to you regarding the children, (child support, frequency of access arrangements, percentage in division of property etc,) always get it in writing legally. Dont assume the narcissistic parent will want what is fair for you and the children. Remember, you’re not dealing with a team player. Just because you are doesn’t mean they are.

Always maintain healthy boundaries for you and the children. This will keep stability in your lives. A narcissistic parent will jump up and down toward your boundary setting, but expect it. Their reaction to your boundaries is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is your own reaction to their behaviour. Remember you have no control over their behaviour, only your own. If you cave in on your boundaries to keep the peace, the narcissist parent will continue to control you and you will not have peace.

Narcissistic parents will not put the childrens needs first. They’re only concerned how things affect them. You’re wasting your energy trying to get them to consider the children in situations.

Be a good role model for your children. The other parent is probably running you down to the kids so make sure you dont do the same. Show them the positive way to handle the situation and remind them they are loved and appreciated.

Enroll them in sports or activities they’re interested in. Start fun new traditions to create happy memories. This will be a time of bonding for all of you. Try to focus on these times with the kids and not the emotional times with the other parent.

Co-parenting is not planning on working as a team. You both do your own activities with the kids separately. It is also about not arguing in front of the children and minimising contact with the other parent. Try to make this transition as positive as possible outside any conflict with the other parent for you and the kids.