Can I Trust Again?

Betrayal can feel like a death the moment you find out your partner has cheated. Whether they messaged the opposite sex or went as far as sleeping with them.

This was your lover and best friend and may even be the mother/father of your child/children. All your hopes and dreams that you planned together feels like they’ve all come crashing down at once.

So how do we get past this if we are going to stay with our partner long term?

Forgiveness means you choose not to punish the other person for what they’ve done to you. You choose to move forward without harbouring bitterness and anger. This means you choose not to bully or harrass the other person about their actions.

To forgive also takes compassion towards ourself and our partner.

We need to forgive ourself 1st.

It is common to think I am not good enough or I did something wrong when facing betrayal. Forgive yourself for not feeling enough. Betrayal says more about the other person as much as it does about yourself and the relationship.

Allow yourself to feel every emotion that comes with betrayal. Don’t push the feelings down.

Use this time to self reflect and do things differently.

Use this time to unpack the relationship together leading up to the affair. Agree to work on the issues as a couple as a way of moving forward.

There needs to be honesty around why the affair happened and there needs to be remorse. It is natural to want closure through answered questions at first but don’t hammer your partner every day for answers. All this will do is drive you both apart. It will not allow either of you or the relationship to grow past it.

Unforgiveness is used as a way to hold onto your partner but neither of you will be happy.

Trust comes from giving the other person freedom to grow past their actions.

It is important for the offending partner to cut off all communication with the person they cheated with and its important not to keep checking their phone so trust can grow.