Building trust again after an affair

When we enter a relationship we don’t expect to be hurt by our partner through infidelity but it happens. It can be anything from your partner messaging the opposite sex, sending naked photos of themselves, meeting up with that person, going on dating sites, porn sites, prostitutes and having long-term affairs.

There isn’t one listed here that is less painful for the innocent party.

The partner suffering betrayal will instantly go through stages of shock, unbelief, gut-wrenching grief, anger and rage to asking themselves, “Why aren’t I good enough?”, “What did I do wrong?”, “What can I do to change?”

These questions are understandable and painful for the innocent partner to go through.

After some time of processing the betrayal, the hurting partner may want their partner to feel the pain they’re feeling so they may tell their partner they also cheated on them.

The partner who originally cheated feels destroyed and angry inside because of the guilt they feel was put on them by the betrayed partner.

Eventually, the innocent partner tells their partner they didn’t cheat, they just wanted them to hurt as much as they are.

Now we have two people who are feeling destroyed inside while also feeling guilty for hurting their partner. T

Ironically, the guilty partner doesn’t know if they can trust their partner again, so now there are two people in the same relationship who cannot trust each other.

Can this be turned around?

If both people want to remain in the relationship they need to accept their relationship will now be different because they have forever been changed. They are no longer the same two people they were when they first met. The trust has been broken.

They have to understand this relationship has died and a new one begins.

This doesn’t mean the innocent partner’s feelings are going to be ignored or they have to get over it to move on.

Both parties have to work through the betrayal together.

The injured partner has to be able to talk about what the betrayal meant to them.

It will take time to heal.

If you would like support in this area, please click on the link below for a booking today.