Are you in a relationship where you both keep score?

There are different types of score keeping and neither are good for the relationship.

The first one is during conflict you bring up each others greviences. E.g.

• “You did this to me last week!!”
• “You think that is bad!! What about when you said this to me the other night!!”

This is also called deflecting.

Neither person is validating the pain of the other person.

Another type of score keeping is e.g. When one person spends a lot of money without the consent of their partner so the other person spends even more money to get even. This will effect their financial stability if it continues long term.

The third example of keeping score is e.g when one person vacuums for their partner and says to the other person “You’ll owe me big time for this!!”

Each version of score keeping is damaging to the relationship. It creates a power struggle within the couple as well as cultivating a culture of resentment and criticism. There is no team work in this type of relationship.

Takers keep score while givers love unconditionally.

Keeping score also looks like this:

• “I’ll stop doing that if you’ll stop doing this!!”
• “Why should I change when she won’t!!”

This type of tit for tat creates a stale mate and lack of respect in the relationship.

Keeping score creates an expiry date on the relationship. It shows each person does not value their partner and in fact takes them for granted. Neither of them will feel supported or truly loved.

If you can identify with this in your relationship and would like support please click on the link below for a booking today.