Are you in a relationship but you do not feel connected?

You can feel attached to your partner but not feel connected. You might think attachment and connection should go hand in hand but they are entirely different.

Having a connection with your partner means you both have empathy for each other. You both value and appreciate each other while sharing intimacy with each other.

Attachment however means you might be in the relationship to meet the need of not being alone or even to get married and or to have children. You might even long for your partner on a physical or intellectual level but this is not an emotional connection.

When you only have an attachment with your partner you will feel rejected if they do not message or contact you every day. When you are connected to your partner you have a need to be with them every day in a loving and meaningful way and not just on an intellectual level.

A healthy Relationship needs both attachment and emotional connection otherwise you are only connecting on a surface level and not on an emotional level.

In a relationship that is only based on attachment, the emotional connection will suffer. The affection may be limited to kisses on the cheek and the occasional cuddle. The flirting and compliments have dropped off. The Relationship is feeling stale. The couple may find themselves doing more outside of the relationship independently with other people rather than doing things together.

In a healthy relationship, your boundaries are not up for question but in a relationship that is attachment only, you will find yourself either having to negotiate your boundaries or being afraid to lay them down in fear of your partner’s reaction. This type of relationship says you are in it for fear of being alone rather than recognising your value.

If you are afraid to lay down your boundaries you may also find yourself seeking emotional support outside of the relationship with family and or friends rather than feeling emotionally safe to be vulnerable with your partner.

To have that emotionally fulfilling relationship both people need to feel emotionally safe to be vulnerable.