Am I Trauma Bonded?

You know your partner abuses you but you can’t understand why you either cannot leave, you leave but keep returning or you feel sorry for your abuser. If you have to ask yourself ‘am I trauma bonded?’ this article is for you.

Have your friends asked you why you return and why you stay?

When you’re in a relationship and you go through difficult situations with your partner, you develop a bond between the two of you.

What is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding doesn’t refer to the romantic sense or with family or a friend. It refers to your relationship with an abuser.

When you are trauma bonded you are in a relationship you don’t feel you can leave. You may have convinced yourself you love them but you know you don’t feel safe with them.

For more detail on what trauma bonding is, read this article on what does trauma bond look like.

‘Am I Trauma Bonded’ – Examples of Trauma Bonding

Your abuser may make promises things will be different when they get a job or when you change.

You have thought about leaving but the thought of leaving makes you feel sick because of starting over and or you might be scared your partner will find you.

Maybe you feel sorry for the person abusing you.

Your partner psychologically and verbally abuses you and makes you feel worthless.

If your partner has an addiction, it’s the good times that holds you in the relationship.

Your body is affected by constant cortisol high. This high puts you in a dissociated state causing your thinking to be blurred. You are functioning from survival instincts rather than from thinking rationally.

This causes you to justify the abusive behaviour and look for what is good about your abuser.

The science behind trauma bonding is it is no different to drug addiction.

On rare occasions, your abuser might show some form of kindness, you experience a dopamine hit that makes you feel good and keeps you addicted to the abuser.

It doesn’t mean you’re weak or stupid for being bonded to an abuser.

If you have experienced abuse in childhood and haven’t received professional support in this area of your life, the brain has formed a pathway of acceptance of this behaviour so abusive relationships feel normal.

We hope this article helps with the topic on: Am I Trauma Bonded? For more professional counselling advice and help you can book an online counselling session.